Relationships

Day 27: Conflict

Daily Reading

Daily Quotes

“Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.”

– Ronald Reagan

“Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love. We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies. “

– Martin Luther King, Jr.

“While I know myself as a creation of God, I am also obligated to realize and remember that everyone else and everything else are also God’s creation.”

– Maya Angelou

Daily Sources

וַיִּֽחַר־אַ֨ף יְהֹוָ֜ה בְּמֹשֶׁ֗ה וַיֹּ֙אמֶר֙ הֲלֹ֨א אַהֲרֹ֤ן אָחִ֙יךָ֙ הַלֵּוִ֔י יָדַ֕עְתִּי כִּֽי־דַבֵּ֥ר יְדַבֵּ֖ר ה֑וּא וְגַ֤ם הִנֵּה־הוּא֙ יֹצֵ֣א לִקְרָאתֶ֔ךָ וְרָאֲךָ֖ וְשָׂמַ֥ח בְּלִבּֽוֹ׃

שמות ד׳:י׳׳ג

Hashem became angry with Moses, and He said, “There is your brother Aaron the Levite. He, I know, speaks readily. Even now he is setting out to meet you, and he will rejoice in his heart to see you.”

– Exodus 4:14

As son as he sees you he will rejoice in his heart. The reason why God had to tell him this was that Moses had not wanted to usurp the status of his older brother as he feared that this might lead to his becoming jealous of him.

– Daat Zkenim on Exodus 4:14:1

Rabbi Mallai taught that as reward for Aaron’s lack of jealousy at seeing his brother Moses rise to greatness, as it is stated: “And he will see you and be glad in his heart,” he merited to become the High Priest, and for the breastplate of judgment to rest on his heart.

– Shabbat 139a:14

When he sees you he will be happy in his heart. The Torah informs us with this comment that neither of the two brothers would be jealous of the other’s rank. This is what inspired David to sing (Psalms 133:1) hinei mah tov umah na-eem shevet achim gam yachad, “how good and how pleasant it is that brothers sit together.”

– Rabbeinu Bachya, Shemot 4:14:2

Where is it seen that Aaron was a pursuer of peace in Israel? It is written (Bamidbar 20:29): “And the entire congregation saw that Aaron had died, and the entire house of Israel mourned Aaron thirty days.” And in respect to Moses it is written (Devarim 34:8): “And the children of Israel mourned Moses, etc.” Why is it that the entire house of Israel mourned Aaron for thirty days and the house of Israel (but not the entire house of Israel) mourned Moses? For Aaron never told a man or a woman: “You have offended”; but Moses, because he reproved them, it is written of him “And the children of Israel, (but not all) mourned Moses.” And thus does Scripture apply (the following verse) to Aaron in the tradition (Malachi 2:5): “My covenant was with him, the life and the peace” — he pursued peace in Israel.

– Sifra, Shemini, Mechilta d’Miluim 2:37
 

וַיֹּ֥אמֶר קַ֖יִן אֶל־הֶ֣בֶל אָחִ֑יו וַֽיְהִי֙ בִּהְיוֹתָ֣ם בַּשָּׂדֶ֔ה וַיָּ֥קׇם קַ֛יִן אֶל־הֶ֥בֶל אָחִ֖יו וַיַּהַרְגֵֽהוּ׃

בראשית ד׳:ח׳

And Cain said to his brother Abel… and when they were in the field, Cain set upon his brother, Abel and killed him.

– Genesis 4:8

And Cain said to his brother Abel — He began an argument, striving and contending with him, to seek a pretext to kill him. 

– Rashi on Genesis 4:8:1

He engaged him in argument and dispute. Rashi is answering the question: Why does the verse not explain what Cain said? It must be that “he engaged him in argument…” (Devek Tov) In Bereishis Rabbah (22:7) it explains that Cain, the soil worker would argue that the soil belongs to him, thus, Abel, the shepherd, had no place in the world. Cain would not allow him to graze his flocks. This caused a dispute.

– Siftei Chachamim, Genesis 4:8:1

Cain accused his brother of being to blame for God rebuking him and rejecting his offering. As a result his anger had intensified. He did not attack Abel physically at that time as he was afraid of the reaction of his father. He kept his fury under control until the two of them were alone together in the field. This is when he killed him out of jealousy.

– Radak on Genesis 4:8:2

Rabbi Elazar Ha-kappar said: envy, lust and [the desire for] honor put a man out of the world.

– Pirkei Avot 4:21

Daily Goals

This is the time of year that many families spend time together. College students trek home, couples return with their kids, single adults walk through the door again and grandparents often travel to spend time with children and grandchildren they haven’t seen for a while. Whether it’s an extended family holiday vacation or parents and their kids getting together, these times often breed conflict.

There are always those who anticipate great family time but come away feeling disappointment. Some nurse emotional wounds and hurtful exchanges. Others feel overlooked and misunderstood. Many scratch their heads and wonder, Is this really my family? Some vow not to return next year, feeling as if they simply don’t belong.

Perhaps the past may have brought harsh encounters with parents or fights with siblings. People go through unexpected challenges never believing that this is where life has taken them. The difficult road was not in the plans and we are not always proud of the way we have journeyed or handled the pressures of dark times. Looking back, parents and children may feel ashamed of acrid words spit out or thoughtless actions done. Pushed to rage by stress is of course no excuse but there comes a moment in time where we must decide to move on.

We will not have our family forever. Perhaps now is the time to open your heart to a parent who has aged, a sibling who has been shamed, and a child who has dealt with unexpected blows. 

This is not a license to accept abuse. Rather, allow yourself to move on by letting go of the past and tapping into the generosity of spirit that lies within your soul. Use this time together to shed the battle gear and at the very least stop the antagonism. Find a smile or good word to offer, be kind, and become the better person you’ve always strived to be. Respond with integrity, not weakness. Don’t live life carrying the weight of bearing a grudge. When family is fractured, warmth and peace are replaced with sadness and bitterness.

Today, seize the moment to teach your children the definition of loyalty, laughter, bonding time and cherished memories. The longer you hold onto old hurts and cycles of pain, the longer it will take to heal.
Slovie Jungreis-Wolff

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Living in Cleveland and being a Moishe House Resident was a fantastic experience for me! I signed up with Partners Cleveland to study Torah with a friend and not only did it increase my Jewish knowledge, it brought me peace, clarity, and happiness. Now I am continuing my Jewish journey and studying in Jerusalem!

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Living in Cleveland and being a Moishe House Resident was a fantastic experience for me! I signed up with Partners Cleveland to study Torah with a friend and not only did it increase my Jewish knowledge, it brought me peace, clarity, and happiness. Now I am continuing my Jewish journey and studying in Jerusalem!

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